Time is the best teacher. Unfortunately, it kills all its students.
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
Its called THINKING you should try it sometime
TV: Empty Calories for hungry minds
Peace begins when the hungry are fed
Actions speak louder than bumberstickers.
I can't be conceited, because conceit is an imperfection and I am perfect.
Don't let schooling get in the way of your education.
If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?
"Never Underestimate the Power of Stupid People in Large Groups"
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Reality is a figment of your imagination.
I work 40 hours a week to be this poor
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot
At first they burn books. Eventually they burn people.
Make yourself at home, clean my kitchen
I do many things well, non of which generate income
Im broke and I have a degree to prove it
Stop global whining
Its not whether you win or lose, its who you pick to blame.
Vegetarians are sprouting up all over
Paper from paper, not from trees.
Gene Police: YOU!! Out of the pool!
(Over a sketch of the Titanic) "The Boat Sank. Get Over It"
Earth is full. Go home.
FBI: In God we trust. All others we monitor.
Clones are people two.
My reality check just bounced.
Half of the people in the world don't have the sense God gave a rock. The other half do.
Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
Fasten your seatbelt. That way aliens wonıt find it so easy to suck you out of the car.
I souport publik edekasion.
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
I want to die in my sleep, like my grandfather.... Not screaming and yelling, like the passengers in his car....
It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
Quantum Mechanics: The dream stuff is made of.
Give Me Immortality or Give Me Death!
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.
Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
Sure you can trust the government! Just ask an Indian!
If we quit voting, will they all go away?
Eat right, exercise, die anyway.
I havenıt lost my mind, itıs backed up on disk somewhere.
Gone crazy. Back shortly.
When you do a good deed, get a receipt In case heaven is like the IRS
According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist
The number of people staring at you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your actions.
Save the planet recycle an environmentalist.
Life may suck, but it beats the alternative.
Minds are like parachutes--they only function when open.
I believe the internet is an information source, not a lifestyle choice.
Everything Is Somewhere.
I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure...
I was an atheist until I realized I was GOD.
I'm a member of the Redundancy Department of Redundancy.
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
The more I learn, the less I understand.
Nothing is impossible to the person that doesn't have to do it.
Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy.
The world is coming to an end. Please log off.
Don't believe everything you hear or anything you say.
In God we trust; all others must pay cash.
Life is a glitch in the universal program; death is just the programmer's way of debugging.
It's all a pigment of your hallucination.
In theory, everything works.
Don't worry about life; you're not going to survive it, anyway.
People who think they know what they're doing are especially annoying to those of us who do.
Why be normal?
I don't know, I don't care, and it doesn't make any difference.
Reality is a nice place, but I wouldn't want to live there.
Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
Your lucky number is 32345543423225. Watch for it everywhere.
Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all together.
Yesterday upon the stair I saw a man who wasn't there. He wasn't there again today. I think he's with the CIA.
If "CON" is the opposite of "PRO", what is the opposite of PROGRESS?
You cannot achieve the impossible without attempting the absurd.
Everyone is entitled to my opinion.